The HSP World Podcast Ep: 21: How Do I Talk About My HSP Trait?


This podcast is brought to you by The HSP World Mastery Program dedicated to inspiring and empowering HSPs.

Thomas: Hi and welcome to The HSP World Podcast. With each episode we invite a guest with the HSP Trait to have a conversation about a burning HSP-related question they have. We’re not coaches or therapists.  We’re HSPs holding space with you.  I’m one of your hosts, Thomas, and your other hosts are;

Robyn: Robyn.

Rayne: and Rayne.

Robyn: Welcome back everybody to another episode of our podcast. With us today, we are joined by Lola. Hi Lola, how are you?

Lola: I’m good, thanks for inviting me.

Robyn: Thanks for coming on the show.  I’m wondering if you can get us started by saying a little bit about your HSP story. How did you find out that you had the Trait?

Lola: Yeah, sure.  I actually found out pretty much a year ago, because I’m in college right now and it started sort of right after my 23rd birthday.  I started feeling super burned out and overwhelmed with everything, and I just had the feeling that I was absorbing a lot of information and emotions and everything from people around me.

And especially because I live in a residential college, everything kind of got too much.  And then I started having panic attacks and I was really not doing well. And then, at a certain point I went back home and I saw a therapist and she told me that I might be Highly Sensitive. 

And first of all, I started reading a lot about it, and I first couldn’t really find myself in it because it very much had the notion about people being introverted.  And I actually recently listened to your episode on extroverted Highly Sensitive people.  And, yeah, when I found out that there’s also an extroverted part, then I really started finding myself in it. And it really, it was like small things like, like loud noises, uh, or like unfamiliar smells really like throwing me off and I could find that in the things I was reading and then, it really helped me to kind of have a name for it in order to be able to deal with it better and also listen to myself better. So I’m, I’m still trying to figure it out because everything is very new to me.

But yeah, I’m, I’m really happy that I have found something that I feel like I understand better and something that I really feel like represents the way that I feel sometimes.  Yeah.

Robyn: Cool. Thank you so much for sharing.  And it’s really interesting to hear that when you consulted with a therapist they were familiar with the Trait and they, you know, they were able to communicate that with you. That’s very encouraging.

Lola: Yeah.

Thomas: It’s nice to know that more and more therapists are learning about it and can relate it.

Rayne: Lola you’re 30% of the HSPs that are extroverted, just like Robyn.

Lola: Yeah. And I think sometimes it’s a bit confusing because a lot of the things that you read, or even if you talk to people, they’re like, okay, if people are so like, if people’s emotions, if the things that you pick up, if you’re in a situation with many people, it drains you so much. Why are you doing it then?

And I’m like, I don’t know. It’s just, people give me energy, but then people also take energy from me. I think it’s really interesting.

Robyn: Yeah. Um, and if I, if I just may add, you mentioned, uh, I think your 23rd birthday, and, I did read in one of Elaine Aron’s books that typically, um, but I think it’s, I’ve seen this elsewhere, your twenties are your most extroverted time for everybody. I mean, relatively speaking, right? It does push you a little bit more further up the extroversion spectrum.

Lola: Okay, good to know.

Robyn:  Yeah. Cool! So I think you had a specific question for us today?

Lola: Yeah, exactly, and the question I have been thinking about a lot the past year is, how do I talk with others about the HSP Trait?  And yeah, there’s a lot of like sub questions to it, but it’s something I come back to again and again, because sometimes I feel like it doesn’t really make sense or I don’t know how to talk about it so that people understand it.

And yeah, sometimes it’s kind of frustrating. So I just thought it would be interesting to also hear from you how you do that, because I guess we’re all always learning, but especially I am very unfamiliar with everything. So I’m really happy to, to learn from, yeah, the community on how to talk about the HSP Trait.

Robyn: Cool. Great question. Yeah, and I’ll just mention that a similar topic was explored in an article recently on the HSP World blog, and the title is “When Should a Highly Sensitive Share That They Have the HSP Trait?,  by our Ambassador Aditya. So, if anyone listening wants to go  have a read about that, Aditya’s perspective, it’s up there on the website. But of course it’ll be fun to have a live discussion too. What do you think, guys? What’s your, what’s your experience with this?

Rayne: Um, Thomas, do you want to…

Thomas:  Yeah, I’ll, I’ll go ahead and I’ll jump in. So, I learned about the HSP Trait far later in my life, just a few years ago. And, I’m now in my sixties. So, being a guy, it, it doesn’t necessarily come natural to just go out in the world and say, Hey, I’m sensitive. Right? Because there are many places in the world that they’re not even willing to accept that. 

I had an experience once in dancing, and I have this little lapel pin that I sometimes wear, and the lapel pin says introvert. Now I know that introvert is not necessarily the same thing as sensitive. Um, it isn’t.  But it, for me, it, it’s a proxy. It’s, it’s something that sort of represents my sensitivity as well.  And, you know, some of my partners, they sort of just, they’re looking at it and they’re, you know, have this, this questioning look on their face and, and other people, and I had, another, lead come up to me and say, why would you want to admit that? You know? And I thought, well, that’s because that’s who I am. You know, just, just because you don’t agree with, with the notion of revealing your sensitivity, that’s your problem, not mine. So I suppose I’m careful and maybe, maybe too careful. 

I mean this is something that I’ll need to think about it a little bit, but, there are some places, there’s some forums where I’m very open about it, because I know that they already know about it and they understand it. And then there are other places where I’ll say, you know what, I’m just going to describe what it is.

In other words, I’m not going to say, I’m HSP or I’m a Highly Sensitive person. And I’ll say that, you know, I am a little bit overwhelmed right now by these smells or, or the sound, or I’m just overwhelmed with the amount of stimulation I’m getting. I need to go take a break or something like that.

So sometimes it’s just as descriptive thing where I’ll just say, this is what I need right now. I’ll be back.

Robyn: I think, I, I think I can relate to that, several, several parts of what you described Thomas. I do tend to favour being on the careful side, even though here I am on a podcast talking about being Highly Sensitive. Um, but even that, you know, it’s not, it’s not something that I lead with.  It’s one aspect of my personality and in some contexts it’s less relevant.

But you know, fundamentally it’s a relevant thing. So it depends who I’m talking to, what we’re doing, why I would bring up the information.  I don’t always… okay. Like, let’s say if it’s, if I, if I need to bring something up because some part of my sensitivity is an issue. Right? Like, like you were saying, something is overwhelming in the environment, or I’m feeling overwhelmed.

If I need to bring it up, if it’s somebody who does not already understand, or is not familiar with the term, I will translate it into other terms.  

I could say something about like, yeah, being particularly sensitive to smells or…  I don’t know. I have often tried to, to find other ways  to communicate what is essentially going on, right? 

Like maybe just saying, okay, you know, when people accuse me of being, like overthinking or something and I’ll say, well, it’s just that I care a lot, or I really want to do a good job. Right?  

When you reframe it into the intention behind it, people can kind of understand that.  And, and you work from there, right?

There’s other moments where I felt that I need to speak more globally about it. So if I’m getting to know somebody, if we’re developing any kind of a relationship, friendship, then it is important, I think to, to speak a little bit more globally, because they’ll be seeing it crop up at various points in my life.

Again, depending on what the other person understands, I might…  Or what they’re already aware with, I might start slowly and just, you know, maybe just give the name and describe a little bit what it is.  

I think if you can find your own tagline, you know, sometimes I’ll say something like, yeah, I’m just very effected by things in the environment. Or, I think things through a lot or, you know, I really care about doing a good job if it’s at work, something like that.

But yeah, I’ll find ways to generalize. And again, if it is someone that I’m going to be around a lot, we eventually have to get into a discussion of the Trait and some of the research behind it and some of the, the implications.  

So yeah, so, so I know that, and I’ve occasionally used it for other people that I think might benefit. Sometimes I recognize other HSPs and there again, you have to use caution because not everyone is ready to hear it. 

So I sometimes just like extend a little, just a little teaser, like, Hey, you know, uh, I noticed you seem to be, uh, very effected by, uh, all the people who are here right now by the, you know, the size of the crowd right now. Well, that’s obviously a pre-COVID thought, but, you know, I would try to comment on something and see how they respond.

And then based on that offer more or less information. So, so yeah, it’s, it’s kind of context dependent on who’s in front of you and why are you bringing it up? And I tend to favour starting small and then expanding into more information as needed.

Lola: Can I, can I ask a question about that?

Robyn: Oh yeah, please.

Lola: Cause I was, cause you said that you’re trying to translate the issue for people. So kind of like the intention behind certain behaviour or why it affects you, but, and I try to do that as well, but have you ever gotten the reaction or like that people tell you, just don’t think about it or just don’t care about it or things like that where it kind of gets frustrating, because people tell you ‘just don’t feel that much.’

And you’re like, yeah, but I can’t.

Robyn: Yeah. Yeah. That’s, I’m really glad you brought that up. And I did kind of think about it as I was saying it.  

So this is where I think, you know, the work that you’re doing right now, the work that any Highly Sensitive person is doing to understand themselves.  If you… cause I, of course I’ve had that reaction and I’m sure we’ve all had that reaction to various parts of our  sensitivity and, look, there’s different ways to answer it.

The one that I will sometimes come up with is, look, this is how I am. I’ve, I’ve tried changing it and it hasn’t gone away. If I, if I suppress it, it just comes back even worse later. This is who I am. This is what I’m trying, you know, this is what I’m trying to do.  And I also, again, try to put a positive spin on it.

So people understand like, hang on, you’re asking me not to care about my work? You’re asking me to do a job that isn’t… um, I don’t know, you’re, you’re asking, you’re asking me to sacrifice quality? Or something like that. Right? I mean then, then we can kind of have a real discussion about it, but, you know, just trying to remind people like, Oh, you’re asking me to stay in a room where I feel very uncomfortable with what’s going on in the environment and you’re asking me to be distracted and uncomfortable? Right? 

So again, just, I mean, maybe that sounds a little bit aggressive the way I’ve said it right now and it doesn’t have to be, right? It, sometimes it has to be, sometimes people are not listening. If they’re really not listening to you, sometimes you do have to amp up the level for a non-sensitive person and be like, you’re asking me to be very uncomfortable right now, and I don’t see why I should have to do that. Right? 

But other times there are ways to just more plainly and simply, and yeah, you don’t have to go on the defensive. You can just say, you know, I, I’ve tried that and it really doesn’t work for me.

Lola: Yeah. Okay. Thanks. Thanks for sharing that.

Thomas: There’s something that I’ve become very aware of. And that is, is that, many times other people don’t want to deal with emotions. You know,  they’re willing to go to the, to the movies and, and be drawn in emotionally in a movie. But in real life, it’s like they right away get into fix it mode.

Like let’s fix this. I, because I don’t wanna, I don’t want to deal with it. So sometimes I find that.

Robyn: That’s a good point too, is remembering that people are where they’re at. Right? And not always forcing the understanding. Right? Sometimes, like, there are some people that I explained my sensitivity to and, you know, there was enough basic respect for them to say, okay, I  hear that. I will, I will try to accommodate that, but I could see that it was just so different for them that they didn’t fundamentally get it, but that’s okay. That’s okay. 

They don’t have to like, feel it in their bones and know exactly what I’m talking about. Right? So, so that’s fine. Like they don’t have to have a deep understanding, but there has to be recognition and enough respect to say, okay, you asked for something, even if I don’t get it, I’m going to try to accommodate. You know, and then sometimes that doesn’t happen.

And if you have a choice to walk away from that person or that context, I would encourage you to do it. If you don’t, then it might take a few attempts to reach that, that kind of mutual respect. Right?

Rayne: Yeah, I think for, for me, it’s about, um, it is about boundaries, establishing healthy boundaries. But it’s also depends on the relationship, you know? So if I go somewhere and, like say if I’m staying in a hotel and the person next to me books a room and they’re having a party and the noise is super loud, kind of a thing, right?

I’m not going to, you know, call the front desk and tell them I have the HSP Trait necessarily, you know? I’m going to call and say, this is unacceptable. Either get me another room or refund me my money cause I’m leaving. It’s unacceptable, you know?  So a lot of it depends on the relationship and what I need.

Because that’s the whole point, to me that would be the whole point of relating any information about it because, you know, for some people it’s just a matter of, you know, it’s too noisy and it gets on my nerves and I have trouble concentrating. So this needs to change, or we need to find a solution or I need to find a solution or, you know, that kind of thing. Right? 

Um, that’s what I find for me is it really depends on the relationship, like the closer relationships.  Yeah, I agree with Robyn, it’s good to have, uh, you know, it’s good to watch the, the movie “Sensitive: The Untold Story” because it, it really does a great job, you know, with people who care about you, you know, that kind of want to try to understand it a little bit more.

And also, be aware and open that having the Trait it’s… you learn more about it as you go along. So it’s not like, you go to school and get a degree and then you have a degree and that’s that. You know, it’s like, you know, your body changes, your sensitivities change.

You understand more as you go about how you process information and what type of environments are beneficial for you, you know? That kind of thing.  You know, so there’s self-compassion for yourself too, is you’re, know, and patience, um, I find helps me a lot as I go along and keep learning.

But also, you know, really recognizing, when is it going to be beneficial for me to bring this up? And when is it just a non-issue and it’s nothing they need to know and they, they don’t want to know, and they probably won’t understand anyway. So kind of coming at it from, from that point of view is how it’s more for me. You know?

Robyn: Yeah. Uh, I’m thinking of something in response to what you said, Rayne, or just kind of a point to bounce off of that.  I noticed that some of the non-HSPs that I’ve talked to, the ones that have been the most receptive are the ones who can think of someone else they know like that… Right? Like, uh, someone who said, Oh, Hmm, that characterizes my daughter or my partner, or even someone who said, huh, that explains this coworker that I had, who was always wearing like noise canceling headphones in the office. Right? 

And I think that could be another way to get traction as well is to say, look, you know, I’m not the only person like this and you probably know other people who feel similarly. You know, even for yourself, reminding, reminding yourself, like it’s not just you, it’s a legitimate way to, to be in the world and to respond to things.

And you know, you, you have a right to, to be this way.

Lola: I think in that context, like, I think, especially for me, because I’m like at quite a young stage still. So I feel like sometimes I meet people around me and I’m like, I think you’re still figuring this out. And you, at a certain point, you might get to the point where you’re like, Oh, maybe I’m Highly Sensitive, but I don’t know that many people who, who have already discovered that.

So I think that that also makes a difference, but I totally agree that it’s, it’s super nice if people recognize something they are familiar with in, in one’s own behaviour. 

And, um, I also wanted to say that I think one point of also talking about it or at one point that makes talking about it sometimes a bit difficult is that for me, I’m always thinking about the fact that I also don’t understand how other people’s brains work.

So I don’t understand how their brain works. So why would they understand how mine works? 

Because obviously everyone is different, but what I’ve found sometimes is that the fact that I don’t even understand how my own brain works or how might own, like, because I’m still figuring so many things out.

And I think we are all figuring things out. That sometimes it’s difficult to describe something that one does not even fully understand themselves. And I think that’s something that can get frustrating that you don’t really know how to explain it to other people because you just can’t put it into words.

Robyn: Yep. Yeah, absolutely. And that’s where, time and coming to terms with what it is, how your sensitivity, um, manifests itself. The more you can get clear on that, the easier it will be for you to, to talk about it. 

And because everyones sensitivity is different, right? Like some, some people really it’s it’s the physical stuff or, or even within the, physical stuff. Right? 

Some people it’s light, some people its sounds and people its fabrics and then on the emotional side, right? Like, that as well, there can be some variability. 

So I think Rayne really had a good point mentioning that it comes down to what you need. Comes down to what you need and voicing that within the context of a discussion or a relationship, especially.

Thomas: Coming up. I talk about setting expectations for the people around you. We’ll be right back after this.

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Thomas: You know one of the things that I’ve played with is, is playing with those boundaries as Rayne mentioned. So for instance, when my wife and I, we go dancing and… Oh, well, we haven’t gone dancing in over a year, obviously. Um, and I’m so looking forward to it, but one of the things that I’ll say ahead of time is I’ll say, you know, I may be able to last an hour and a half or two hours today.

Is that just know that, that I’ll get to a point where I’m just overstimulated and I’ll need to go. So I sort of plant the idea ahead of time. It’s like, this is what is this how I think it’s going to go today and I’m…

Rayne: With your wife, right Thomas?

Thomas: Right. And it’s, and it’s been very, very helpful because she’ll then check in at about that point. And then I can, I can say, you know, I can do, I can, we can stay a little more or as, or I can say, you know, I’ve had enough, let’s go.

So sometimes just planting those ideas by thinking, yeah, you know, maybe this is the boundary that I want to work on before this event.

And you know, you can’t, you can’t anticipate everything, but there are… Well, you know, like if you’re going to, if you know, you’re going to be in among a lot of people, that’s one thing that you can do, is just sort of plan ahead and plant some seeds about what you think you might need.

Rayne: So you’ve set the expectation ahead of time. So it’s not, um, yeah. Yeah. That’s a great way to go, Thomas.

Robyn: Yeah, I would just add if you are kind of at the beginning of figuring some of this stuff out, though, you may not be in a position to articulate that yet.  But it’s a goBod goal to work towards, right? Thinking like, okay, how can, what are the things that I can say that will explain again what, what I need or what I’m feeling. But it may take a little bit of time to observe yourself and figure out what are your patterns and trigger points. And what are the things that affect you the most?

Lola: Yeah. And I think even if one does not, or has not figured that out yet, it’s already…  What I found quite helpful is just letting people know that I might disappear at a certain point. I don’t know exactly when that is or why that is, but just to let people know that. Because I’m, because I really like company and I like being with people and everything.

So then sometimes it’s just difficult for me to tell myself, okay, now is the point where you actually have to go, because part of me doesn’t want to, and just, I just already explained before to people and also to kind of give myself a way out so that I know, okay. Even if I want to stay, I can go.

So that I just announce it, there is a reason why I’m leaving or why I’m not going to be there because I want to, but it just doesn’t work. But I really like the way Thomas that you, you’re doing it. And I hope that one day I’ll be there as well.

Thomas: And, and another thing to remember, you, you also mentioned that, you know, you don’t meet a lot of other sensitive people and that’s absolutely true. But that doesn’t mean that they’re not there. Right? 

That’s, you know, it’s, it’s one in five or one in six, roughly that are, that are Highly Sensitive. And so you probably are meeting lots of sensitive people, um, especially in your residential college setting. I imagine that you’re probably running across them all the time. They just don’t know.

Robyn: Um, I was gonna add that, um, you know, the context plays a part too, right? And at least from, from my experience in college, I don’t know if it’s a little bit different where you are Lola, but I think it tends to be a time when people don’t want to lean into their sensitivity, right?

They want to lean away from it.  You want to push your boundaries. You want to get out of your comfort zone.  You want to try new things and expose yourself to a lot, and, and even push your, your physical and mental and emotional limits, right? That, that tends to be what goes along with that time.

So, you know, this can, this can apply to any context where sensitivity is not really embraced.  

And I think that’s an important thing to keep in mind. Because that presents a different challenge, right? That’s where it’s not necessarily about individual people, but about a culture that’s there. I’m thinking also, we talked a little bit about, uh, how this plays out in the work context, right? In the workplace. Especially some corporate environments for example, are a little bit anti-sensitive. 

So being aware of that might influence your, your decisions and your discussions as well. Doesn’t mean that you can’t be sensitive, honour your sensitivity, discuss your sensitivity with people, but again, that’s where you may have to choose who and when to talk about it with, you know? And again, reframe the language.  And I think it helps to remind yourself when you’re up against something difficult. It’s, you know, it’s okay if it feels like a struggle, it’s not just you, right? 

If you’re in a culture, that’s very… I say cultural context, that’s very anti-sensitive, it’s normal, but it’s going to feel hard to have that discussion, right? So you should mentally prepare yourself for a little bit of a struggle in articulating it. 

But again, that doesn’t mean that it can’t happen. And I think that’s where focusing on your specific needs, reframing them in particular language can help.

And then sometimes like looking for allies within that, right? Like find the person who you think is the most likely to get it, and then maybe tell them the whole story so that you know at least someone there has got your back and understands what you’re going through, you know?

Lola: Yeah. And it’s, it’s also, I have experienced actually, like I have not had a situation where someone would not accept what I told them about. It’s more that people either are like, okay, I accept this, but then it’s, they just know it and that’s totally fine. But I think what, uh, what sometimes makes it difficult is that people are understanding and, people also get it to a certain point, as far as they want to know about this. 

I don’t think that like many of my friends did research or read anything. So they just know what I told them. But then I think also because of what you just said, Robyn, that it’s such a, it’s a context where everyone is figuring themselves out. So many things are happening that even if people know they might not necessarily react accordingly, in the beginning or after a few times, or they might just forget again.

And I think that’s also a part of communicating it that at a certain point, there’s maybe also this point where you get tired of reminding people. Because I don’t know, for me personally, so sometimes it feels like I’m bothering people if I tell them for the fifth time or something. And then I also don’t necessarily feel like I want to communicate it anymore. So maybe that’s also something that other people could relate to.

Rayne: But that tells you something about that relationship right there too, right? If you’ve, if you’ve told them four or five times and it keeps coming up, then they either don’t understand it and said they did, or they don’t understand what you need. Right? In relation to, you know, like, why are you saying this again? You know?

Lola: Or maybe sometimes I just don’t know what I need. So maybe I’m also still need to practice my communication skills. Maybe partly I’m also not communicating well enough yet.

Robyn: But that takes time. And we… the baseline that we’re socialized into is that you’re not an HSP. Right? So we kind of, I mean, unless you’ve grown up in a family that was super HSP aware and friendly and fostering that, you know, but most people even then, right?  I think in the cultures that we’re talking about, not being an HSP is the standard.

And then you kind of have to take time to adjust back, right? And say, Oh right. I’m not that standard. Okay. How am I different? So it does take more time to kind of explore and see, all right, what, what, what is true for me and what is particular to me? So it does take time to unpack that and then be able to articulate it even just to yourself and then finally be able to articulate it to other people.

But I think one point that keeps coming back on the show is that it may be hard in the context where you are right now, but, to the extent that it’s possible, find the people who understand. Even if they don’t understand the words, you know, find someone, it might have to be someone a bit older.

It might have to be just people that you connect with online, but find people who get what you’re talking about enough to let you figure that out and give you that space. Right?

I feel like I spent a lot of time in my early twenties, a lot of time trying to adapt to people who wouldn’t adapt to me necessarily or who didn’t understand.

And I kept just trying to contort myself into something or make these people like me or whatever, and yeah, it’s just, it’s kind of a wasted effort in some ways, right? 

Again, I’m not saying that you should only be friends with HSPs, that’s absolutely not true. But I think sometimes if you see people like Rayne was saying, if you’re seeing someone who even after five times is not getting it at all… All right, you know, then you, you adjust your expectations and you say, maybe let me put effort elsewhere, where someone’s going to understand a little bit more easily.

Rayne: I was just gonna say, Highly Sensitives are, tend to be pretty creative. So you, there’s probably tons of HSPs in the Arts programs where you are, whether or not they know, you know, they have the Trait or not. You know, they would probably, wordlessly kind of, kind of get it, you know…

Lola: That’s an interesting thought. Yeah.

Thomas: You know, I mentioned at the beginning, I have that, that lapel pin that says Introvert, I’m still looking for a lapel pin that says Sensitive because I would, I would love to wear that around. And my fervent hope would be that someone would sort of stop and say, “Yeah, what’s that about? Explain it to me.”

I mean, that’s where I’d like to get to where I can just tell someone about it and tell them this is what it is. And some of the nice things about it too, you know, the, the creativity that, that comes out of it, the attention to little tiny details and little differences and all the good things that come out of it too.

So maybe one day I’ll find that lapel pin that says Sensitive and I’ll be wearing it around.

Robyn: We can talk Thomas, cause I’ve seen, I’ve seen some merch.

Thomas: You have?

Robyn: I’ve seen including, um, I just, uh, I, I didn’t end up getting it, but I saw a sweater in a shop not too long ago that said Support Your Local Hypersensitive, which is a little bit the wrong terminology. It’s more Highly Sensitive, but you know, I’ve been thinking about maybe getting that.

Lola: I was actually thinking the same. Like I saw a t-shirt that said I’m Sensitive and I told my friends to get it.

Robyn: Awwww!

Lola: Um, but yeah, so, uh, maybe yeah, maybe it will be a sweater or a t-shirt and then that also draws attention to the topic.

Thomas: Well Lola thank you for today’s conversation. And I’m just wondering if there were some points that resonated with you today.

Lola: Yeah. I think what, something that I’m really going to take away is to kind of distinguish between situations where I feel, I, I want to communicate to people about the HSP Trait because I need something specifically, like what we talked about that with some, in some situations it’s you want to talk about because you have an emotional connection, but sometimes it’s maybe also just because you need a specific thing, like, I don’t know, less noise or less smells or whatever. 

Um, but I think that’s really something that I hadn’t really thought about before. But it really makes sense too, that people don’t always need to fully understand why that is, but that people will also just be fine with, okay, I need this and this concrete thing.  And then channeling more energy into talking about it with people that I really feel like I want them to understand because I have this emotional connection and it’s also more a long-term interaction that I have with people.  

Yeah, so that is really something that I found quite interesting. 

And I’m, I’m really intrigued by the thought of just sparking more conversations with people about it. And just maybe also see it as a practice and just see how, how people react when talking about it or maybe they also find themselves in it, or also learn. And I’ll definitely also learn something.

Yeah, and one last thing that I’m definitely gonna, uh, you actually inspired me Thomas to maybe just try starting to do estimates about different situations and figuring out how much I want to handle or how much I can handle and then just maybe hang out.  And then kind of moving towards a point where I can maybe also predict better myself, how much I want to, how much I want to handle and how much I maybe don’t want to handle.

And just, yeah, creating that situation where, where you can be kind to yourself and the people around you just help you with doing that. I think that was really beautiful.

Thomas: Well, thank you so much for sparking a conversation today. I think it was a wonderful conversation. Thank you.

Lola: Thanks for inviting me.

Rayne: Absolutely. Thank you, Lola. Really, really appreciate it. It was, it was great chatting with you.

Lola: Thank you.

Robyn: Yeah. Uh, thank you, Lola. And you know, your last comment made me think of something too.  Uh, I do know a couple of HSPs who have done this, but for the people who maybe don’t, you know, get it instinctively when you explain you are HSP, sometimes talking about the result that it will have for you, can make it more concrete, you know, saying like, Oh, well, if I only go to that party for one hour, you know, or if I leave, when I need to leave, I’ll be in so much of a better mood the next day. Right? 

Or I’ll be so much more productive at work if like, uh, if this, if the lights are turned down a bit, sometimes that’s what it takes for people to understand more concretely. But, uh, you know, good luck in your experimenting.

Lola: Thanks.

Robyn: I hope it’ll be productive for you. So thank you everybody. And thank you to our listeners.

Please join us for our next episode where we’ll be having another interesting HSP conversation. To any Highly Sensitives who have a burning HSP-related question, big or small, we invite you to ask it on The HSP World podcast, just email

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Your support is contributing to the upliftment of HSPs around the world. We’re very grateful.

Music credit: Intro and Outro music from the YouTube Music Library. Song is Clover 3.

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