On Being A Sensitive Leader by Bryan Ramirez

On Being A Sensitive Leader

I think the most difficult part about being a life coach is your ethos, your credibility. But not just that, but ethos amongst your peers and people that have known you before your change and transition, as an authority for help.

See, life coaches try to be selfless in their approach. For the most part. I mean we go through it fully, to guide you, and never recommend that which we haven’t. For the most part, people think it’s just regurgitated information, which some coaches do.

When you get ahold of this information and claim to be a coach you have no other choice but to practice what you preach.

The way the therapy of life coaching works is through “honesty”. This coincides with how I live my life as someone with High Sensory Sensitivity (HSS).

We try to surround ourselves with people that will be honest with us in the most crucial moments of life. Because we do that for people. That’s what the people that love me, have done, for my well being.

However, when you come in as a person with ethos, there is resistance. Statements of “you don’t understand”, “you don’t get it”, “it’s not the same thing” will be said. Especially, if they have always seen you as sensitive. People think as Highly Sensitive People (HSP), we cannot handle the truth.

Everyone goes through these stages of resistance. Whether it’s with a coach, family member, friend/peer, loved one. Fear and anger are your reaction.

Yes, some of you reading this know who you are. I’ve burned many bridges in my life and sacrificed very much. But one thing that I’ve always held true is truth.

That I surround myself with people who will be radically honest with me when I need it, and that I would do the same. Being so sensitive I need to take care of myself and if I have to question the honesty, integrity, and loyalty of the people around me, I just rather be alone. The world is enough to handle as is.

This is a huge risk. It risks the relationship, hands down. The illusion is gone, but the symptoms stay. The story that you are the victim and the other person is to blame, ceases to exist.

The only reason why I can speak about this so easily is because I’ve gone through that hell. Paid my price and my dues for the ability to navigate the way I do now.

Why would I not want the closest people to me to do the same? Helping people is the only thing I love more than myself.

Because I’d be lying to them if I didn’t speak up, if I didn’t try to help, if I didn’t care, if I didn’t have a concern about how the shame and grief in your life just gets you stuck. That’s what a leader does, but not only that, a sensitive one.

I would rather you be angry, and not only that but angry at me if necessary because that gives you the fuel for courage. Courage to face that fear, that makes you so angry.

So I risk burning the few bridges I still have, and that’s scary. Losing the few people that really and truly supported you just so you can help them actually be happy doesn’t sound like a great trade off. But again, as a coach, and person that just has such a deep empathy for people it’s for the greater good.

I want you to see what your gift is, what your potential is, what you really truly desire in life and how to attain that. You decide after that.

But I will show you the right mirror, not the one you’ve been holding onto. You have to let that one go. It’s already broken. You keep thinking it’s the only one, gluing pieces that just won’t stick anymore. I know because I had to do it myself. And with broken mirrors you keep getting cut, deeper and deeper.

“If you never heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you.”

Until you start cutting vitals. I won’t let that happen, not again, not ever if I can help it, seriously.

Because in the end we sometimes outgrow things as much as people. But one thing is for certain, is truth. And you can’t fight it. I didn’t choose to be a life coach, my life did.

I would rather be a lawyer and argue the impossible. I’m the devil’s advocate as I would call myself, but really I’m just a vessel. I don’t do any of this for the material. I do it because I feel it is right. I have an obsession to help others, and a deep love for all sentient beings.

I have always, always, always, always, always have followed my instinct. Which is why we’ve crossed paths. I’m just following the yellow brick road to find what’s behind the curtain of life. That’s what truth is.

Whether you’re willing to face it is one thing, but you will hear it from me because that’s what you’ve asked of me when we became spiritual kin. And yes, I’m trying to be better about my communication and how I say things, but if you truly meant what you said about being in my life then I will elevate you with me.

But it means that you have to go through it. That’s what successful people do. Success is not prestige, not money, not sex, it’s self-fulfillment. So if there continues to be any form of resentment or animosity or anger or envy or emotions towards me for being honest with you we might have to rethink our relationship, and go our separate ways.

Because we are not suppose to be in each other’s lives. It was a temporary thing. We learned what we needed to. And that’s more than anyone or I can ask for.

Relationships only fail when you never grow. But there must be tension for growth, think of a flower. You help it grow.

The most difficult part is developing the strength to emerge from the ground, and sometimes that needs a bit of water and sunshine. But in the end you must let it live on its own because if you pluck it, it dies.

That’s what being a leader means, having influence over that which you touch and give life. Whether it’s a joke, compliment, smile. When you influence anyone you are a leader.

If that means being the bad guy so be it, seriously. That’s what the people that love me have done and that’s what I will do for you.

The truth will set you free, and I hold true to that, and would not be true to myself or you for your own truth and well-being if I didn’t tell you.

I’m sorry for anyone’s pain, I really wish there was an easier way to heal. But I will find it, for the greater good in all of us, I promise. Just know I love you guys.

How has the challenge of being a sensitive leader allowed you to see life the way you do now?


Pic credit via Shutterstock

Bryan is a Trainer for an International Dating Company, an aspiring Life Coach, and an Entrepreneur. He received his Bachelors degree in Criminal Justice and wants to further pursue the first masters in masculinity studies at STONY Brook. He's the creator of Baam Anxiety. Follow him on Facebook and Instagram.

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